X & Y

Hello all,
This is my first poem in 2017 and the first poem I post in the new site. Please tell me your opinion and I’m ready to change/edit any line or any word if it fits my poem. Suggestions are welcome.

***

In a large room…
A crowd of people
Whispers and smiles
Relaxing music in the background
I stood puzzled
Turned around myself

Faces are familiar but names are forgotten
I tried to remember
This face was for X
That face was for Y
This one used to love me
That one was so harsh
I tried, I couldn’t

Years passed
With all their sorrow and gladness
And here we met
After the sunset
That took everything
And left in a hurry

Debris of our souls
Shapes of our bodies
Our wrinkles
Our small eyes
The gray hairs
The mellow hearts

We might look old, but young inside
We might look happy, but sad inside
We might look alive, but dead inside

This one pretended to be fine
and that one pretended to be strong
I was just watching in surprise
Weaving a story in my mind
I sarcastically laughed at them
and at myself!

***
Blackmatta

24 comments

  1. An interesting poem, BM. Inspired by Ivan’s recent class reunion, it seems.
    1. Turned round myself => I looked around? I turned around?
    2. For age, Americans usually use “gray hair” but “white hair” is okay.
    3. “White heart” has no meaning in English. What does it mean to you?

    Reminded me just a little bit of the Richard Cory poem. ๐Ÿ™‚

    1. Ivan inspired me and I also stole a line from him while chatting. Not a bad try though.
      Turned round myself like when someone doesn’t know what or where to go, what’s going round him.
      I know that “gray” is better than white but I wanted to use it twice like in “white hearts”, it means pure heart. When people become old, they seem to be good and innocent because they only want to die in peace or live the rest of their lives without troubles. Will this be acceptable or shall I edit it?
      Thank you for the feedback.
      Ahh, Richard Cory!!

  2. White hair is okay but “white heart” has no meaning in English. You could use pure or mellow heart. Mellow would make more sense. “Mellow” happens with age; “pure” is not age-based.
    Also, “white hair”, not hairs. The body of hair on our head is uncountable.

    1. OK, I will edit this now. One thing only to explain, I used “hairs” because I meant that there were some hairs which are gray, not the whole head.
      I appreciate your suggestions and corrections.
      ๐Ÿ™‚

  3. One more point. As an adverb or preposition, we use “around” much more than “round”
    Turn around. Look around. Walk around. I spun myself around, looking in all directions.
    It’s just around the corner. Stick around (don’t go anywhere).

    “Round” is mostly used as an adjective. Round corners and shoulders give a softer appearance that sharp, well-defined ones.

  4. Great poem! I guess you were writing about the twilight of life. It reminds me of a concept which implies we are all travellers stuck in the endless circle of recurring life and death. You and I meet for a little while in this part of life but we will have to drift apart again.

    1. I always feel surprised when I read such nice comments about a simple poem that doesn’t seem deep in meaning. I believe that the reader is smarter than the writer, and so you did!
      Thank you, Thein.

  5. I like your poem, Matta!
    you know, when you discussed some lines in our chat I jotted down a couple of my own lines but was too busy to post them. I am far from being a poet, I warn you.
    ***
    So many faces
    which I simply fail to remember.
    Nothing to talk about,
    nothing to share.
    Who are those people?
    It’s sad but I really
    don’t care.
    Those who liked me
    and whom I wanted to see
    are not there…
    I feel so alien
    among those familiar strangers…

    1. Wow! Diana…
      I LOVE this warning, do it all the time and share many poems with us. I’ll learn from you and others and then we will enjoy our poems and improving our talents.
      Nice poem, I like the last line “among those familiar strangersโ€ฆ”

    1. Lavanya, when you say “Life is sad and meaningless”, are you interpreting Matta’s poem or are you making a general observation about life?

      Learning English here with us should hopefully give you some joy and meaning in life. ๐Ÿ™‚

  6.     I see aging as a something positive. We should be glad of being able to recognize old acquaintances and friends. I’m wondering how will remember each other (us, virtual friends) after 20 years.

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